Dear Pres

To a very lost 16 year old Pres. You have literally no idea who you are right now. That is okay. It gets easier. You will find yourself. A word of advice though? Stop trying to make yourself into what everyone else expects of you. Stop listening to what boys say you are, or what you are not. Stop worrying about whether or not you fit in, rub people the wrong way, or fit their standards. Their standards will constantly change and leave you feeling less than. If you want the hard truth? Life will be hard until you are about 20. Your parents. They know what they are talking about. They love you- they see you. You will break their hearts and they will fiercely seek you out and meet you where you are. Spend more time with them. There will be a day when you will miss how safe you felt at night knowing they were close. You will wake up once you get into college and adulthood and miss that safe warm feeling of laying in your bed with your parents and little brother upstairs.

That reminds me- play with Luke. Build the forts, jump on the trampoline. Love him hard. Play pretend tattoo shop and watch spongebob. Soon he will be a teenager, and you won’t be so cool to him anymore. Call Mema and Papa as much as you can. Sit and talk to papa about cowboys and Indians, when he wants to take you shooting- let him. I know you don’t like guns because you are confused about what is cool right now, but trust me, go shooting. Sit with Mema a little while longer- let her ask you about your friends, cheer, and tell her about the little things. She just wants to listen to you talk. You will regret that you did not do this more.

Don’t drive crazy- I get that Paramore is pretty badass right now, and you are upset about what is going on, but you are going to take that turn too fast and you are going to wreck your car. You have no idea what the value of a dollar is and you are lucky to even have a car. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t speed. Try harder in school- it matters in college.

There is life beyond boys. There is life beyond rumors- or people who do not like you. There is life beyond high school and Friday night football games. You have some solid friends but most of them are just as confused as you are. Don’t take what they see to be true as your lighthouse.

Talk to your mom more, she knows what she is doing. Scrapbook with her. Learn from her. She is pretty wise. Don’t lie. It matters. Start building integrity now.

Oh, and there is life beyond boys. I mean it. I know that it is hard. I wish I could guide you and tell you how to dodge it but sweet girl- it helped you grow. The best thing I could say is surround yourself with people who love you and speak truth to you. This will pass. And honey- your life at 27 looks better than your wildest dreams. You know how you write constantly? Well- you will finally do something about it, and people will read it. Crazy right? You will not marry the first boy you think “love” and, you are beyond blessed God had your back on that one. 10/10 times, your parents are right about what they say about the boys you bring home. And if Luke does not like them, red flag girl. Some heavy stuff is coming soon- it sucks. I won’t tell you it doesn’t. Keep your head down and work hard. Remember in these times that the life you want is beyond this mountain. Soon enough- you will learn who you are in God. Life gets better after that.

When you come home from treatment, people aren’t going to get you. And that is okay. They know you as a lost girl who parties, and the ‘holy’ girls are going to still be too holy for you. You will be lonely for a while. This is what pushes you to learn who you are. These years shaped you. You have two gorgeous boys and an incredible husband- it gets better.

Your senior year you will meet a boy- nope. Not the one for you, sorry to spoil it. He will teach you things but only for a little while. You will make the right choice and choose to pursue college with a 2.4 GPA. It is okay sis, it gets better. Spoiler alert- you get your masters. You will go to college and you will get lost all over again- just in another way. You have changed- but you still need your mama. Yep- she will come down after you call her in tears because you miss her. She will come to your dorm at 10:00 at night to lay in your bed with you. Growing pains are hard. You will miss home still in 2019. Yep. We are still alive. Home sickness stays- but as sad as this is, you will become numb to it. Your kids need you now. That is your safe place. The family you made. You will meet another boy. Nope. Sorry girl. Still not a winner. If I could have you not date at all until December 27th of 2011 I would. Oh Shane. How I love you. You will date that boy- he will be a jerk. You will grow. But this part is crucial. It is because of this that you had the final stretch to become the woman your husband needs you to be.

I know you are going back and forth about trying out for GCU cheer. Do it. I know you will want to not try out senior year in college. Try out. You will win a national championship this year. Listen to your coach- she will mold you into a strong and confident woman. Don’t flake out on workouts or stunt yourself because you are afraid of success. Do not go to Africa instead of college- you are insane. It would not have worked. Your dad almost died when you told him that plan. Poor Daddy.

Go over to Jasmines friends house after the basketball game in December of 2011- be yourself. Don’t care about what you wear and climb into the shopping cart at the store. Go back to the house and burn the cookies. Fall asleep on his shoulder. This is the beginning of your forever. Still don’t give him your number but wake up the next day and tell Jasmine that you know you will end up with the guy- even though you had turned down 3 other guys to date you and you swore not to date for a full year. Keep dreaming girl- you found your prince. Still have him only communicate with you through facebook messenger- he loves that you are being modest. Go over to his house with Lindsey as your back up, even though she will fall asleep on the couch and you and this guy will talk until 5 am. Don’t kiss him for 15 dates- yes. 15. This will give you the chance to learn his heart- wow. His incredible incredible heart. Let yourself fall- this one is safe. Say yes twice. Say yes when he takes you to UCYC and asks you to date him. Say yes to him on the beach 2 years later. Marry him. Give him grace in your first year of marriage. This is new to him too. Support him and love him. Don’t be insecure or jealous- it is a HUGE waste of time. Let him have guy time. Give him grace, give him a break, give him encouragement, and love. Compete with him… he is obsessed with it. Even if it annoys you.

Rock your babies to sleep- read them the same book over and over and over again. Oh, your first son. Just a word of advice, you have to actually pack baby clothes in your hospital bag. Who knew? This one keeps you on your toes. Within a 3 month span he will break his arm and cut off his thumb all at the age of 2. Good luck. But this one- man. He shows you God every single day. Your love for your kids is unreal. Let’s be real, your kids made you a way cooler and better person. kids… Meh. Oksy so Zander will only eat carrots until he is 8 months old- he will turn orange. It is fine.

You will learn that friends become family. You will have like 6 ride or die friends and love the life out of them.

Big picture sis- if I could take your face in my hands and look you in the eye, this is what I would say. “All the big things- they are not big things. They seem like the end right now but, these big things are the small things who will make you into the woman you will be. And you are going to love her. You will be beyond proud. You turn out to be pretty damn cool. Taylor Swift will still get you through all of your tough crap. Oh, by the way… she goes rap. Weird- but you love it. Your rap skills do not get better, you still would rather not wear a bra if you have a choice and you will still not learn how to cook but wow- if your life some kind of beautiful.” If I could write a letter to a younger me.

Chickadoo