The Manufactured Mommy

I am not patient. I work on it, but let me tell you, I have a ways to go. I stress and I have yelled at my kids, in ways that I am truthfully ashamed of. I have lost my temper and gotten overwhelmed about the fact that my life looks nothing like the way I thought parenting and having kids should look like. Why do we do this? I can tell you, if I want to feel like absolute crap about how I am doing as a mother, I go straight to Pinterest or Instagram for a daily dose of inefficiency. I drown in comparison. In return, my kids suffer. Why do we consume this crap? Call it like it is. The moms that have the perfect Instagram’s and refuse to admit motherhood is tough- I call BS. I do.

See that is just the thing- our generation is completely consumed with having everything perfect. We are constantly looking over our shoulder at how other mother’s parent. We do it to judge or copy. Mind your own womb. How are YOU showing up for your kids? Because let me tell you, without a doubt, the children you have, were predestined by our creator to be yours. I am not a perfect mother, but I can confidently say that I am a better mother to my children than anyone else could be for them. They were made for me. Made for Shane and I to love, nurture, stretch and give back to God. Parenting is hard. The hardest thing in the world. My life does not look like I imagined. And the worst thing I consume myself with is what my life was supposed to look like. What having a first born son and that relationship we would have would look like. I rob myself. Our son, has a speech delay. He is three. I cannot tell you how robbed I feel not being able to hear about the things he imagines, what makes him happy, how his day was. I am jealous. I struggle. I morn. It is real and hard. But- how honored am I. That God knew, Eli, Eli will need Presli, to love him in a fierce way. To advocate and speak for him. To fight for what he needs and deserves. To make sure people saw him for who he was. Eli will need Shane’s steadfast love, positivity, and refusal to give up. Eli, this baby, he needs Shane and Pres.

It is hard- I had postpartum depression with both pregnancies, two babies with colic and a terminal wondering eye for how my life was supposed to look. You know what I have learned with God’s grace? Well among other things, if I compare and strive to be perfect, all I get is frustrated. I need to embrace the play-dough stuck on the floor under my kitchen table and the fact that I have reheated my coffee three times already today. I have not showered in two days. That my hair is inevitably always in a messy bun, and I wear sweats 9/10 times so that I can be on the floor and love my children. The fact that my husband and I strive to sit down for at least 10 min a night to enjoy a dinner and we will always get interrupted by one of our monsters. This life- it will be gone very soon. Soon I will sit in an empty house, freshly showered, with hot coffee and desperately miss the chaos I robbed myself of enjoying because it didn’t ‘look right’. I was not the Pinterest mom. I was the broken mom. The mom who admitted when she was wrong so her kids did not feel like they had to live up to perfect expectations. I was the mom who apologized time after time, and will continue to need grace. Because let me tell you this. Moms who strive for perfection, you are missing out on the finger paint. You are more consumed by making your insta story perfect than making memories with your son’s.

They will not always want to play play-dough with you after your 9 hour shift. Soon you will walk in the door and they will immediately ask where their jersey is and if you washed it. They will ask for money or be rushing out the door to their friend’s house. You will find joy in this too, but while they are little, kiss their stinky toes, hold them, read Llama Llama for the 10th time today. They see you, and love you. They do not see the dishes in the sink, the fact that they wore the same jeans for 4 days in a row because mommy fell behind on laundry. They see you on the floor making them laugh, acknowledging them and nodding along even if you have no idea what they are saying. That is what they see… and that is what they need. Not a perfect mom. They need their mom.

So mom & dad. This is your call to action.

Be authentic on your platforms- if you are not, you make the rest of us feel inferior whether you mean to or not

Be real- because, we know that you don’t wake up like that and parenthood is not effortless

Let the messes stay for tonight and play monster, tomorrow your babies won’t be babies anymore.

Hug your kids- let them be who they are, not what is socially acceptable. Advocate for them. Make them men of God. Teach them how to open the door and have empathy. Teaching them to be perfect does them no justice at all. Don’t be a manufactured Mommy. You will regret it for the rest of your life.

The imperfect Pres