What they don't tell you about postpartum

DISCLAIMER: This post will discuss peeing your pants, and vaginal bleeding post pregnancy. Basically, if you are a dude, you stopped at the wrong joint. Keep scrolling. For real- if you do not desire to learn more about postpartum or are not a female or an expecting mother these blog post has TMI written ALL OVER IT. Thanks.

Hi, my name is Presli, I am 27, and I pee my pants. What are your badges of motherhood? Yep. I pee my pants and I have two belly buttons and am extremely good and coaxing my children into doing things they do not want to. I have had the pleasure of bringing two insanely boisterous but so so amazing children into this world. It’s messy. It’s great. If you are intrigued about my two belly buttons and my obvious need for depends before 30, keep reading sister.

Two words- peri bottle. If you don’t know, you will. So girls- even if you have a C-section you will bleed FOR 6 WEEKS bruh. You think you were getting off scotch free with no periods for 9 months? C’mon now where if the fun in that? Am I right? So yes. Enjoy. You will bleed for 6 straight weeks post baby. I bled 6 weeks to the day, but I am assuming everyone is different? So if you do not know what they peri bottle is, it is a lovely little opaque bottle that you squirt to clean yourself after you use the restroom. Mostly because you just sat on a barrel of dynamite, and cannot wipe yourself. Fun fact- if you feel less than sexy after you have had your child. I mean, you are leaking from every Orifice and have perpetual bags under your eyes, holding a bottle of Lukewarm water that you spritz your lady parts with can definitely boost your confidence. You’re welcome. Also- with the peri bottle. Warm water is your friend. I thought it was not necessary and maybe even a little extra to warm the water every time before hand, until the one time I did not. It was like using glacier water as a bidet. If you don’t know, now you know. Warm water. Do it.

I am sorry to have to tell any expecting mothers this. But- no one told me, and because I did not know this way okay, I lived with unbearable guilt. So let’s unpack this myth shall we? It is okay if you do not fall madly in love with your baby the second you see them. Hard sentence to read I am sure. And for the moms who experienced everything they hoped for the first time they met their child, I am so happy for you, and this may not make sense. But- as devastating as it is to admit, I did not fall madly in love with my son the second I saw him. I went through 26 hours of labor and on to an emergency C-Section. I was drugged and tired and confused. He would not latch. It was hard. These are hard things to admit. Do I love him now? Let me tell you, I love him a throw myself in front of a moving truck, have each eye lash pulled out with tweezers, get seasonal allergies all year long amount. That was a random example, but it was the most painful and sacrificial example I can come up with right now because I literally HATE allergy season. But what I am trying to tell you is that if you do not feel this way immediately- an unexplainable connection. You are not alone. I was confused, I felt awful. But it was how I felt. As his first weeks of life continued, our bond strengthened, and gets stronger constantly. It was not initial, and that is okay. If you feel this way. I am telling you- it is alright. It will come.

If you are like most humans, it is pretty likely that you have one belly button? Well- I hate to devastate you. I introduce you to the dual and saggy belly button. You’re welcome. Welcome to motherhood that is. Oh yeah girl. Check me out in a bikini and your like… which one was your umbilical cord attached to sis? It’s just a gamble. My belly go SO big with both boys that when my skin ‘shrunk’ or tried to shrink for that matter, where my belly Button was did not line back up. I give you, the dual belly Button. Any other mamas feel me on this? It’s like we are the Chandler Bings of belly buttons. Nubbins for all. Just another badge of honor girl- wear it with pride.

Breast feeding is insanely hard- and if you are modest, go ahead and up that difficulty level sister. I never grew comfortable enough to nurse any place other than home, with no company, with either of my sons. Again- this is not the case for all moms. But this is my story. And with being afraid to nurse anywhere, and having a newborn, I was homebound. Which made things harder. There is a lot of white noise and negativity out there about how we choose to feed our children the first weeks of their lives. This pressure was hard. E had a really, really, hard time latching. I would spend the first 10 minutes of our ‘feeding’ helping him latch and once he did I had to stay perfectly still or he would unlatch and we would have to start all over. Not only was this tough, I had something that I could only explain as hopelessness every time I nursed my son. How unfair. I felt like I was so robbed. What is wrong with me? I am not head over heels for this child I created, and I hate nursing him? I am awful. Best to keep it to myself I thought. The more I kept it to myself, the darker things got. The best way I can describe what I felt like was breathing underwater. Breath. Something essential to live. And the genuine inability to do so. I apologize if I am scaring any of you- but If I had someone to tell me this existed, I would not have felt so so so lonely. I only nursed my children until 6 weeks of age. And guess what, that does not make me a better or worse mother than anyone who chooses anything differently.

Once you stop nursing- whenever you choose, you would assume once your body acclimates that you would just stop expressing? Sure. Makes sense? Not. I have not nursed my son for over 18 months (and while you better believe I still wear my nursing bra- nothing more comfortable) I STILL have times when I express, Almost anytime I work out! So, girl, if you are working out, and you don’t typically sweat from your direct nipple, just know, your expressing sister. While we are the topic of working out- post baby. You will pee your pants. Yep. Having a baby makes us a forever slow leaking water balloon with two belly buttons. I have to wear a panty liner every time I do anything with high intensity. How to get out alive? Invest in all black workout pants and panty liners, it’ll buff out. You will be fine.

Try to have grace. Grace for the baby but grace for you as well. I remember it hitting me hard about 6 days in. 6 days. Eli was 6 day old. So new to the world around him. He was just as new at this as I was. I mean it had been 6 days. I should be perfect at this by now right? Perfectionist mamas beware. You will learn so much about yourself in this season of motherhood. You are both new to this whole thing. It gets easier. It also gets easier with each baby! It really does. My husband and I worked so much harder with E than Z. We over did things. Don’t overdue it. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. While you can and while they take multiple naps in a day.

Speaking of sleep- wow. I put an insane amount of pressure on myself to get my children to put themselves to sleep, and for them to sleep through the night. Books like Baby Wise (as great as it was) led me to believe that as long as I followed those principles, my kids would sleep for me. And if you know me, I love. No. I need my sleep! So when my boys did not sleep through the night until they were 13 months old, I thought I was a failure as a mom. You know what I learned? 1. Having them put themselves to sleep is nice, but how many nights did I waste not rocking them to sleep. Not singing to them of watching them drift off. My sons are one and three, and that window of time is already gone. They sleep through the night now, for the most part, and I wish I had that time back. So my advice? I know you are tired, but hold them just 5 minutes longer than you think you want to. Read Brown Bear for the 5th time tonight. Rock them and stare at them while they sleep. Pray the Lords protection over them. All too soon they will be too big to even pick up. Wow is this mommy gig a tough one, but it is hands down the most remarkable and incredible thing I have ever done. I have worked hard and gained a lot of things- but being mommy is my biggest honor.

If you have read this- I beg of you. If you experience any of what I have listed above, except the double belly button, I don’t know how to help you there. Please please reach out. You are not alone. This is normal. It is hard. It’s lonely. But it is so so great. It gets better. Reach out to someone, me, anyone, talk about what you are feeling, get help. If you are not who you need to be, you cannot be what your child needs you to be.

If you want to be more anonymous please use this resource: https://www.postpartum.net/professionals/screening/

As always, thanks for your support

From one Mommy to another

PK